9:35 pm
fickle pickle
shortlived joy
yesterday has been my first SC after quite a while.
and i think the happiest i've felt throughout the day,
and for a moment,
it felt as if life was alright and the way it should be again.
i love SC ((:
and the people!
<33
ice cream, laughter, and scintillating/senseless conversations-
i like!
i hope this will carry on for as long as it can last.
and finally, DEBBIEKINS! it was really good seeing you again! :DD
11:54 am
fickle pickle
problem with authority
got caught by ai-zack on tues for short skirt.
got suspended for that
!
haha.but it was not as bad as i predicted.
got to listen to my ipod for the whole time,
read whatever i like,
doze off once in a while.
and i made a new friend!
i just thought that the hours were a little long.
8am to 5pm /:
think abt it, it's a really dumb reason to get suspended for.
haha.
ohwelll.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVELY PAMELA arm-pit-mao YEO!
<33
10:54 pm
fickle pickle
fluctuations
in the light of such darkness
and post modern grey,
i've been reeling.
repeatedly playing the same subjects in my head,
i wonder when i'll be able to free myself from my own chains.
i probably should stop finding faults in people too.
afterall, i'm way far from perfect myself.
and even though i can't exactly find the kind of closeness in friends i thought i would in jc,
i should be content with my old friends.
for being there always.
albeit the lack of physical presence,
i still have the knowledge that they're there.
i can't really count on people whom i've got to know from these past two years.
maybe i'm just skeptical.
still..
`
From under the tree, we watch the sky.
Confusing stars for satellites-
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died
And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
We'll show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along-
6:36 pm
fickle pickle
i reminisce
oh donkeys, my entries seem to be all so emo and angsty.
hahaha.
and i suppose this will be of no exception /:
odac,
i think i'll just live and let live with everyone and everything that's gg on.
i've already regretted and half of me is indifferent.
so even if we're talking about making it last or whatever,
it's kind of a joke.
we'll just see what happens.
and to you,
baby when you're gone.
haha,
i think it's just one of these days.
i just can't help it.I've been wandering around the house all night
Wondering what the hell to do
I'm trying to concentrate but all I can think of is you
Well the phone don't ring cuz my friends ain't home
I'm tired of being all alone
Got the TV on cuz the radio's playing songs
that remind me of you
Baby when you're gone
I realize I'm in love
The days go on and on
And the nights just seem so long
Even food don't taste that good
Drink ain't doing what it should
Things just feel so wrong - baby when you're gone
I've been driving up and down these streets
Trying to find somewhere to go
Ya I'm lookin' for a familiar face but there's no one I know
This is torture, this is pain
It feels like I'm gonna go insane
I hope you're coming back real soon
Cuz I don't know what to do
9:06 pm
fickle pickle
can you feel this infectious dolefulness
i don't know why, but recently life has taken a toll on me.
and everything seems so suffocating.
rising to every occasion seems arduous beyond my ability.
or so i feel.
anycase, i'm feeling entirely random and there's this nagging need for me to just escape a while from reality.
okay, so everyone seems to be either dead bored, sad, or just plain indifferent.
and i'm really feeling it.
it's contagious.
and perhaps, i'm one of those people spreading this plague.
really, i wish someone could just shoot me.
ohyes, and we have technically 6 trainings left before odac comes to an end.
yes, it's dolefull.
i'm going to miss everyone, and just merely seeing everybody around together at the MPH.
it tugs the strings in my heart,
but my heart is currently "under construction" right now.
cos i seem to find myself more unfeeling than ever these days.
the compassion, passion, warmth and whatnot
has been ebbing away.
okay, before i digress further,
let's get back to the point.
the point is,
i am sick.
sick, sick, sick.
sick and tired.
sick and tired of doing this whole odac thing.
i really do love odac.
or maybe i DID.
i don't know now.
and even though i am gg to miss odac trainings,
i can't wait for it to end.
hence i'm counting down rather eagerly.
because this whole job of mine has been making me feel really vexed these days.
and i'm not feeling the people.
especially odac people from my class.
cos i don't think i could feel comfortable asking them for help.
one would probably tell me he's got better things to do.
one has track training which seems to be of top priority.
one would agree,but reluctantly. (so i'd rather not)
the last i don't dare bother cos i know she wants to go home to study and rest.
& so everybody just expects.
but nobody helps.
and it's viscious.
plus, it really doesn't help that i have a particular (at times, strong) dislike for ai-zack.
the moments i have to talk to him just sucks the life out of me and knowing that i have to talk to him just makes me cranky.
it's taxing.
and i don't know what i'm doing this for anymore.
nobody seems to freaking give a damn about training.
or for our batch for that matter.
so what if words are being said.
oh, but don't get me wrong.
i admit that i don't really give a damn myself.
not anymore, that is.
they said jc is the best place in your life,
where you make your friends for life.
whoever said that ate bullshit.
oh wait, ai-zack probably said that before.
and oh, just save me from his platitude speeches.
some creativity please?
you've been using the same old phrases, analogies and statements from since god-knows-when.
pardon me for being sardonic.
and i know i'm probably channeling most of my discontent towards him,
so excuse me if i condemn more than deserved.
cos i'm just brimming with these amalgam of chaotic thoughts and emotions.
poor guy.
(see, i told you i've lost compassion.)
anyway, on a different matter,
i asked meryl just the other day what was happiness.
and she told me,
" it's when you pee in your pants.everybody can see it, but only you can feel it's warmth."
hahah, that was funny.
and i guess happiness really could be like peeing in your pants.
you feel liberated, relieved, and you make people around you laugh.
ahwell.
ohyea, and thankyou so much p.diddy!
it's been really heart warming talking to you. ((:
thanks for measuring the route with me and having the rain walk!
i loved it.
but i love you more! ((:
okay,that's about as chirpy as i can ever get.
bye bye world.
10:16 pm
fickle pickle
an imploration
rah rah rah
i just can't settle my heart down to study.
dammit.
argh.
this year's really like a roller coaster.
one wave after another-
just hits me like no tomorrow.
sigh.
i'm on an unlucky streak.
or perhaps it's just me.
my karma's biting me back in the ass.
and for now i'll take comfort in songs.
when will this end,
when will this end,
when will this end.
i'm longing to see brighter days.
taken from tioman (:
8:58 pm
fickle pickle
the daisies are smiling today
i can't explain this new feeling.
perhaps i'm done.
i've come to terms with all this..
and with that said,
i thank you for slapping me back to reality
and planting my feet on the ground again
cos perhaps i've been floating too long above ground when i'm with you.
if there's ever a time again someday,
i wouldn't mind.
but then again i wouldn't know i'll feel down the road.
i suppose i'm at the same position as you now.
you'll always be close.
you promised.
and i promise i will too.
friends forever (:
& i love you.
i always will,
but perhaps in different ways.
or maybe the same.
i can't clear this confusion in my head and i don't intend to dwell too long.
cos i know it's time to move on.
so i'll just let time do the sorting.
just be happy and well,
i'd be glad to know that your days are sunny.
so promise me they will (:
`
and these days i'm surprised at myself.
i'm beginning to find the sun through the rainy days.
and though the rain never seems to end,
i'm getting used to it.
the cold that seeps from it
has made my skin numb,
and perhaps my heart too.
but that's all okay.
that's all okay (:
thankyou for everything
and i really mean everything.
& rose darling, thankyou for everything too (:
you didn't fail as a friend.
cos you've already made it clear that you'll alwasy be there no matter what.
and for me, that's enough.
that's comfort enough. <3
i'll be alright. (:
10:08 am
fickle pickle
learning to breathe the sudden disappearance,loss,emptiness,just caves in everytime i'm alone.and suddenly i can't stop staring at my phone.i suppose it's all futile.& i don't know what's real anymore..it's quite scary.so it's just me.. by switchfoot; Hello, good morning, how you do?What makes your rising sun so new?I could use a fresh beginning tooAll of my regrets are nothing newSo this is the way that I say I need YouThis is the wayThis is the way that I'm Learning to breatheI'm learning to crawlI'm finding that You and You alone can break my fallI'm living again, awake and aliveI'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies Hello, good morning, how you been?Yesterday left my head kicked inI never, never thought that I would fall like thatNever knew that I could hurt this bad So this is the way that I say I need YouThis is the way that I say I love YouThis is the way that I say I'm YoursThis is the way, this is the way `but i don't think it matters much to you anymore.goodbye?i don't know.i wish i knew you how feel towards me each day.how much more or less today?i wish i knew..cos then maybe i could decide on what's best to do..& because i miss you so much,i don't know what i am anymore.& perhaps these words are flying away with the windand never coming back with a reply.perhaps i'll be able to take it better over time.but for now, i wish i could die in my sleep.i'm learning to breathe; slowly.
1:52 pm
fickle pickle
more than i can chew
sometimes, i think i need to heed my own advice.
somehow, i always manage to fail to see the purpose of life.
but don't worry, i'm not suicidal.
with so many thoughts just clammouring in my head,
it's hard to think straight.
everything's a mess.
so i guess i'll just empty it.
cos it seems that being dumb could be a delightful thing.
didn't they say ignorance is bliss?
forever lasts only for moments
& i'm walking on blindly.
oh tell me, what i should do now..` 'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something,
'Cause someday I might know my heart,
5:30 pm
fickle pickle